well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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