Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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