he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
