If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
