i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
