Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't turn off my feet"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
