My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
