i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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