Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
