Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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