tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
