dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My feet surprised me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
