the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
