woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
