Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
