he shaved USA in his pubs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
