I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
