I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
