Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
