i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
