he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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