Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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