My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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