STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i drank out of a bidet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I touched a dick in church today
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
