once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
