we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
