i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
