weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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