he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
