You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
