Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
