My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
