The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
