No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
