The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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