never play flip cup with pint glasses
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
