this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
