Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
