would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Couch. On fire.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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