I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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