He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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