youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
