forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
