Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
