Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
