Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
