so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
