I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
