its not stalking. its research.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
