I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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